


Revan Reborn

by duchesskryze (i_want_rose_tyler_back)



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 04:59:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18276272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_want_rose_tyler_back/pseuds/duchesskryze
Summary: “I am Revan no longer.” She says, and she believes it. At first.A study in Revan's relationship with her identity. And whether she is really 'Revan'





	Revan Reborn

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I don’t know about you guys but my Revan always had a really complex relationship with who she was. At first she wanted to believe she had no part of revan in her any longer, but as time progressed she became almost proud of who she was, and this fic is kinda a study of that I guess? Mostly inspired by the fact that the game is always either IM NOT REVAN or I AM REVAN BOW BEFORE ME OR DIE but identity is... much more complicated than that. Especially hers. Hope you guys like it!!

At first it is easy. 

It’s easy to say she is no longer Revan, it’s easy to say she is this paragon of Jedi rules they have built her into. It’s easy because she can’t remember Revan. Because Revan is still this...  _mystery_. 

A woman behind a mask, a dictator,  _evil_.

It’s easy to separate herself from her because she doesn’t feel like any of those things. Nor does she ever  _want_  to.

_(It never occurs to her that’s the entire point of the programming. To have her be this perfect little Jedi. To never feel like Revan again.)_

“I am Revan no longer.” She says, and she believes it. At first.

But then she confronts Malak. And she knows she should hate him, she knows that he is everything she has been fighting against this past year. He is evil and he needs to be stopped. But some small creeping part of her feels compassion for him, and guilt for making him this way. For leading him down this path.

She wants to believe its her imagination and not another memory when she blinks, and sees Malak’s hand in her own behind closed eyelids.

_(She doesn’t want these memories. She wants to forget all of this once it’s over. Retire somewhere far from all the action. She’s earned it damn it.)_

When her lightsaber goes through him, she holds him as he drops to the ground. And she doesn’t know why she cries. She tells him about light, and hope of redemption. She hopes he’s truly listening. And as his eyes close and his last breath leaves him she finds she is struggling to breathe herself. She has no memories of the man in her arms, not really, but she still feels as though she has lost not only a friend- but a part of her. 

She knows she has to go, so with a final farewell and kiss to his forehead, she runs back to the  _Hawk._

_(When she sleeps that night, she dreams of laughter, and someone named Alek. He looks at her, and his face suddenly seems older, he looks as though truly seeing her. Then, he smiles. “Thank you.” and when she awakes she feels an odd sense of peace even in spite of the tears in her eyes.)_

She doesn’t notice, at least, not at first, but she doesn’t flinch anymore when she is called Revan and she tries to ignore the feeling of unease when Carth calls her by her new name.

The memories return through dreams, little by little. She tries to ignore it. She wants to be here, with her friends, with Carth. 

_(Force does she love him)_

She doesn’t tell him she has begun to think of herself as Revan, but she suspects he knows when he calls her Revan one day, as though it was completely normal for him to do so. When he catches himself, he excuses himself.

They never speak of it, but he slowly starts calling her Revan again.

_(She doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.)_

Soon, she cannot ignore these warning signs any longer. She knows he’ll wait. She knows him well. Still she tells him not to in the note she leaves for him on her side of the bed. She takes the ship and does her best not to look back.

The Revanchist has work to do.

_(She knows who she is now.)_

When it comes time to face the emperor, she faces him with her identity fully intact. She is Revan, and she is the Jedi Padawan she once thought herself to be. They are both parts of her. No point denying it. 

“I am Revan reborn, and before me you are nothing!”


End file.
